“How to Get Away with Murder” or in this case “How to Get Away with Manipulation” is a comprehensive guide on how to control a situation or a manipulative friend.
We see manipulation in the working world and in romantic relationships. But it can be difficult to detect this kind of control in friendships. Although it’s less popularized, it’s equally dangerous. Do you know if you’re being manipulated? Here’s how you can find out.
Manipulative personalities are characterized by two key traits. First is a need for control and second is egocentrism. In conversation, manipulators tend to steer everything back to themselves. It’s easy sailing as long as you stick to form, but when you need to vent and talk about yourself for a while, you are met with resistance as the manipulator starts losing a foothold as the center of attention. Regardless of what their actions would cause you to believe, you are equally worthy of respect and attention.
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While most friendships contain an element of mutual care, love and compassion, manipulative relationships are one-sided and border on the obsessive. Because you see your best friend as your responsibility and yourself as sole caretaker, you feel that it is up to you to assuage every one of his or her qualms – whether you are able to fix them or not.
Your ability to care for your friend is also dangerously tied to your self-esteem as not only a best friend but also a functioning human being. Contrary to what you may feel, it is okay to simply empathize with your best friend and nothing more. If you feel that life hangs in the balance when your friend is upset, you may be a victim of manipulation.
If you are a victim of manipulation in a friendship, you feel that everything wrong in your friend’s life is – in some convoluted way – your fault. This increases anxiety in these situations. Not only is your friend inexplicably upset, but you also believe it is your fault. The belief that your are to blame for all your friend’s problems, in addition to your possible inability to fix them, negatively impacts your feelings of self-worth.
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When your friend is an expert manipulator, you feel at fault every time a subject deviates from the norm. In this case, your best friend feels entitled to your constant attention and has successfully demonized noncompliance. As a sympathetic best friend, you feel terrible when he or she is upset, even if the reason is not justified. You should not feel terrible for taking the time out to say refuse any request or think of yourself first. You do not have to conform to fit your friend’s expectations.
If you push through the selfish feeling and choose to disagree with your friend, your manipulator feels a compulsive need to regain control and ensure that it is “my way or the highway.” In order to do this, he or she manipulates you emotionally, lowering your self-esteem in the process. However, when you promise your friend that you’ll do better next time, you open the doors for the cycle of manipulation to continue.
If you are always there for someone else, you’re a good friend. But be careful not to allow him or her to take advantage of your kindness. Self-care and self-love is imperative. If you recognize these signs in your friendship, then you may need to take some time to analyze whether or not the relationship is healthy and should remain a part of your life.
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